Un cordial saludo to all my Washington Heights peoples! Were you all on your rooftops last night? ‘Cause let me tell you, last night’s episode of “Washington Heights” was BURNING, hunties!

And now for the T on episode 9:

LA VENTANITA

“Desde que me dejaste, la ventanita del amor se me cerró…” well, bump that! Washington Heights folks don’t mourn a separation – they throw a party instead! For episode 9 of “Washington Height” we see Reyna’s mom celebrate her “birthday” (more like, ‘thank you Jesus, I’m finally getting rid of this man’ kind of party) with hookahs, something that looked like a serious voguing session y un bizcocho dominicano con la piña filling to match! “Party City” ain’t got nothing on us, what!

BABY GOT BACK

Speaking of Dominican cake, what has Taylor been eating lately? At a photo shoot she’s asked to model some dresses for an up-and-coming fashion designer – and let’s just say, most of the dresses she wore really showcased her best “asset!”

WHERE IN THE WORLD?

Danny (Audubon’s manager) finally gets his client paid – kudos to you, bro. But the location of the gig is as puzzling to us Uptownies as “KimYE” is to the general public. All of us who have more than five years living in “The Heights” knows that the College of Mount Saint Vincent is NOT out of town! All you need is google maps, the Bx7 bus schedule and you’re basically there. Danny boy, a 50 minute bus ride does not equal a plane ride – get it right, papa. Twitter agrees with me:

TOO MUCH JUNK IN THE TRUCK… THE FRONT ENGINE… THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT… ETC, ETC, ETC.

Speaking of the big shindig at Mount Saint Vincent, what in the world was that backup dancer wearing? Now, don’t get me wrong, I love me a thick woman with real curves – but we have got to draw the line somewhere. Ladies, we all have mirrors at home, don’t we? Now, if you know you are rocking a FUPA, girl, take your skippy behind to your local beauty discount store and get yourself a pair of Spanx, ASAP! They’re cheap, they come in a variety of colors, and keep you from looking like Cuca Gomez. (R.I.P. Otilio Warrington) That’s the PSA for today, kiddies! Learn it, live it, love it!

ONLY THE LONELY CAN PLAY

Poor Frankie… este disco ya esta super rallado! After much convincing from friends to date other men, she finally gives Kelvin (the muppet) the green light – and what does he do ladies and gentlemen? He has the nerve (with the awful name) to pull a Houdini! Say What?! Boy, if you had pulled that with me, you best be dead or on life support ’cause if I caught you out on the street, it would be on like “Donkey Kong!”

TOUCH THE SKY

Well, what can I say? Rico finally gets his act together (with that beautiful mane) and lands his first gig! HOORAY! I just hope for his sake it’s a not a blue film and his screen credit doesn’t read “fluffer.” I’m just saying.

JUMP JIVE AND WAIL

Disenchanted with her current dating situation, Frankie finally decides to have “the talk” with Ludwin. No longer playing coy, she tells him she wants a commitment; he pulls a Fred Astaire and evades the topic all together. By the way, with all that fancy footwork I’m surprised we didn’t see beads of sweat streaming down LudwIn’s face – am I right, ladies? I”m not the only one who noticed:

Frankie then tells Reyna about the possibility of her situation with Ludwin turning serious and her facial expression pretty much says it all…

PS: Shout out to Uptown’s local artist M.Tony Peralta. His snapback “WASH HTS” made its second debut on last night’s episode of “Washington Heights.” You go boy – we all “DEFEND UPTOWN!” For more info on his apparel line, you can visit his website here.

So, what is to come from all this drama? Well, judging by next week’s sneak peek, the revancha looks super good y’all! Ludwin’s ex-girlfriend makes a comeback and I can literally hear Jay Karan’s song “I Don’t Like That B*tch” playing in the background, lulz. Mi gente, get your popcorn ready ’cause it’s. about. to. go. down!

Stay fresh y hasta la próxima…